WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT GRIEF?
What Is Grief?
Grief is a natural healing response following a loss or a change in life. It is a process that involves your whole being. It is a physical, emotional, intellectual, social, and spiritual experience. When you lose someone or something, like a job, that gave you purpose, value, meaning, or security, you grieve. Grief is universal, individual, painful, cumulative, normal and hard work.
Is Grieving A Sin?
No! Jesus Himself wept over the death of His friend Lazarus in John 11:35. There are many other examples in the Bible of people grieving. In Genesis 23:2 we read that Abraham grieved the death of his wife Sarah. King David grieved over the death of his infant son in 2 Samuel 12:16. In these accounts God never expresses condemnation. Both then and now, He allows people to go through the grieving process and then come out on the other side to go on with their life. Although a person who is grieving may feel as if God has abandoned him, he can be assured that God will keep His promise from Hebrews 13:5, I will never leave you: never will I forsake you.
Did You Know That Each Year . . .
- Americans experience a death in their immediate family.
- 800,000 people experience the loss of their spouse.
- 1,500,000 children under the age of 15 experience the loss of one of their parents to death.
- 6,100,000 children experience loss of a parent by divorce.
Common Reactions To Grief
People grieve because, as humans, they have attachments to other people and to things. While everyone's reaction is individual, there are some predictable reactions you may experience. Men and women grieve differently, which sometimes causes great misunderstanding in a family. Grief comes for everyone like the ebb and flow of the ocean waves.
Physical And Emotional Reactions
- Deep sighing
- Weakness and fatigue
- Frequent illness
- Changes in weight and appetite
- Muscular tension
- Neglect of self
- Numbness
- Confusion
- Sadness/helplessness/hopelessness
- Guilt/yearning/despair
- Anger/bitterness/vengefulness
- Hypersensitivity
- Feelings of being lost
Spiritual Reactions
- Emptiness/no reason to live
- Questions about faith/beliefs
- Search for meaning/connectedness
- Pessimism or idealism
- Acceptance/forgiveness/compassion
Behavioral And Mental Reactions
- Detachment from surroundings
- Disorientation to time and place
- Withdrawal from family and activities
- Forgetfulness
- Apathy towards the future
- Tearfulness, crying easily
- Inability to concentrate
- Denial or avoidance of reality
- Search to understand the loss
- Repeated reviewing the loss
- Suicidal thoughts
Complicated Grief
Some people fail to heal because the grief process is blocked or buried. This may be caused by the lack of a supporting friend, multiple losses in a short time, or a traumatic unanticipated loss (suicide). The use of drugs or alcohol can have the same effect. Counseling can provide help and promote healing.
You Should Know . . .
- Grief will take longer than you think.
- Grief will take more energy than you ever imagined.
- Three months after the loss your grief may be worse than it was after the initial event.
- Places, smells, music, words, may cause you to feel "ambushed by grief."
- Others may expect too much of you too soon.
- You did not have a choice about this experience happening to you, but you do have a choice about how you respond to it.
Steps To Healing
- Accept the reality of the loss.
- Discover new ways of existing and functioning without the lost person.
- Take charge of your life. Take charge of your grief.
- Feel the joy of life again without feeling guilty.
- Find meaning in life again in spite of your loss and pain.
- Seek God's love and care.
- Talk to your pastor, return to church
- Seek counseling if you need extra help dealing with this loss.
We at CCES would like to help you find hope and
healing at this time in your life.
We often feel helpless to aid a grieving friend because we don't know what to say or do. These 3 "H's" will help you learn and remember what to do:
Hang Around! Be available to spend time with and talk with your friend.
Hug! Let him know you love and care about him
Hush! Listen without giving lectures,
sermons or trite sayings. Just say, "I'm sorry."
If you or someone you love is experiencing grief, give CCES a call today. We're here to help.
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